Perfectionism
Do you hold yourself or others to very high standards? Are you never satisfied with your performance, even when it is perfect or near-perfect? You may be struggling with perfectionism. Perfection is highly valued in many areas of our culture. Many of us work or study in professional fields that feel cutthroat and unforgiving. We tend to spend hours each week consuming media representations of seemingly flawless bodies, idealized families, and spotless homes. It is no wonder that so many of us internalize these unattainable standards of performance for ourselves.
Perfectionism can emerge in several domains, including work/school, home life, physical appearance, or social life (e.g., feeling as though you need to be the perfect spouse, parent, or friend). There are multiple types of perfectionism, including self-imposed (e.g., “I need to be perfect''), other-imposed (“others need me to be perfect”) or perfectionism imposed upon others (“I need others to be perfect”). Internally, perfectionism is isolating and can lead to depression, burnout, and anxiety. In our external world, perfectionism can create strain in our relationships, make it difficult for us to initiate or complete tasks, and impact our functioning in the areas that matter most to us, like work, school, or family.
Perfectionism can have many causes and serve many functions. For instance, maybe you had to behave perfectly or achieve very highly as a child in order to avoid abuse or help support a struggling family. Maybe you have minoritized social identities (e.g., person of color, person with disabilities) and feel you need to perform twice as well as your peers in order to be recognized. Maybe achieving highly has become an important source of self-esteem, and perfectionism is functioning to protect you from feeling shame or like a failure.
HOW WE CAN HELP
Although perfectionism can be distressing, we acknowledge that perfectionism can also help us function in certain settings, and you may feel some ambivalence about giving up your perfectionism. This is completely understandable. Our therapists provide a safe, warm, and nonjudgmental space to explore your perfectionism, fears of failure, and advantages/disadvantages of saying goodbye to your perfectionism.
When addressing perfectionism with your therapist, therapy work may involve investigating the root causes of your perfectionism, including traumatic experiences and features of work or school culture that may be perpetuating these unattainable standards. You and your therapist will likely work to disentangle your sense of self-worth from your achievements and accomplishments, making room for a more stable, secure, and well-rounded sense of self. This work involves increasing your flexibility and practicing vulnerability and self-compassion. Therapy may also support you in shifting your mindset from “striving for perfection” mindset to “healthy striving”.
Common sIgns
Being highly self-critical
Difficulty delegating tasks to others or asking for help
Difficulty relaxing or engaging in “down time”
Feeling motivated by fear of failure
Procrastination or spending far more energy than is generally needed to complete a task
Seeking validation from others
If you are interested in exploring ways to live a fuller life fueled by your passions and values instead of fear of failure, contact us for a free consultation.
